Each of our children gets two special days a year, one with dad and one with mom. The kids look forward to their day and really enjoy the special time. Last week, some friends of ours that we've known for years came over for dinner. They needed some land surveyor advice from Dode. They have worked in education for decades. During dinner, the wife asked Dode how many time per month he goes on dates with his daughters. He told her that he does a yearly special day with each one. She told us that with years of experience watching little girls grow up to become women, she believes that the more time a dad can spend one on one with his daughter, the better she'll navigate the difficult growing up years.
With three daughters, work, projects that need done around the house, and a calling in the church that has him gone from home at least one night a week, there was no way he could do a monthly date with each girl. We settled on a monthly date that will rotate through the girls. Not wanting to be left out of the fun, I scheduled a monthly mini date for me that will rotate through each of the children. When Isaac heard the news he asked incredulously, "What will we do together?" I'm sure I can come up with something!
Friday night was the first date and it was Miriam's turn. Dode took her to see The Lorax. I'd written their date on the calendar and I was amazed at the magic that created with the other children. Instead of complaining and pouting that it wasn't fair that they didn't get to go, they accepted that it was Miriam's turn and that was the activity Dode had chosen.
With all this dating going around, I thought I should schedule a monthly date for Dode and I as well. I'm not sure how we'll do but I'm willing to give it a try. Don't misunderstand, Dode and I love time away from the kids where we can talk without being interrupted every couple of minutes, or even every minute! The problem with dating is the cost, and not the financial cost, but the cost in William's behavior. William is the kind of person that needs consistency. In his mind, if a rule isn't enforced 100% of the time, it's not a rule that needs to be followed. When we try to have the kids watch William, they know what he can and can't do but they're so burnt out by dealing with William's difficulties day after day (stealing their things, deliberately breaking their things, picking fights) that they have no patience. It quickly becomes a battle of William refusing to do anything they say and the other children getting more and more frustrated. So, we get a babysitter. William is cute, cuddly and smiley with the babysitter, they don't know his rules, he does things he isn't supposed to and the next days/weeks, I'm stuck trying to retrain him that the rules still apply.
But, he's a little older than the last time we tried leaving him, the kids are a little more mature, it's worth a try! I find it ironic that I write this when just this week Elizabeth's MP3 player was missing for a couple of days. She asked everyone and no one knew where it was. She put up a sign reminding people it was lost. The next day, Isaac found it in one of William's favorite hiding places, under the couch cushion. He knew where it was the whole time but enjoyed the power of knowing that while he could get to it, Elizabeth could not. So, will our grown up dates work out? It remains to be seen.
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