Trying

In the days leading up to my birthday, I helped a friend move.  Dode and Isaac had been helping in the evenings for a few weeks.  The big stuff was gone and it was time to work on the little things.  Dode suggested I lend a hand.  I didn't want to go but knew I should, so I showed up on Tuesday and spent seven hours helping out with sorting and packing.  It was a difficult move.  The reason I didn't want to help is because I'd been over to the house several times in the weeks leading up to the move and every time, a weight of sadness filled my heart.  It wasn't a happy move, they were loosing their home.  They'd lived in their house for many years raising their family and were moving across the country to live with a son.  So, everything needed purged down to the essentials in order to fit it into a 12' trailer they could drag across the country.  The house had so much to go through, and we were going through every box. I felt like I was standing in as her daughter who was unable to help.  By the middle of the second day she'd even switched from calling me Stephanie to calling me "honey".  It was an honor to help but it came with an emotional burden.  As we went through things and I heard the stories behind them, I felt badly that her daughter was missing out on the passing down of family stories.  I had to walk a fine line between being a supportive listener and being a drill seargant keeping things moving forward.  It was emotionally exhausting.

This couple I was helping had hoped to leave on Tuesday, but there was no way they would get done.   Then they hoped to be gone the next morning and I was right there with them in that!  I ended up spending 11 hours there on Wednesday.  Most of the time, it was just me helping.  When others would offer to help, the friend I was helping would say, "No, that's OK, I have Stephanie."  I'd done her a small act of service years ago when she was being treated for cancer and somehow earned a gold star in her book.  She trusted me to be beside her, sharing her memories and helping in whatever way she asked.  I didn't do a lot of packing in the tradition sense.  Mainly, I was there for emotional support.

I came home Wednesday in the middle of the day to grab some lunch and felt totally overwhelmed and spent.  Miriam had been up the night before throwing up and I hadn't slept well.   Miriam stayed home from school and had Jacob watching her but she really wanted her mom.  I sent off an email whining to Dode and then tried to talk myself out of my funk.  I tried my personal mantra, "If not me, then who?"  I use my mantra any time I catch myself thinking, "Why should I have to do this?"  This time it just wasn't working.  I could think of lots of reasons why I shouldn't have to help.  I started thinking of people I knew who I was "sure" would be more appropriate to help out.  As I sat there in my funk, wishing I could be like the others and excuse myself from serving, sudden inspiration came pounding into my heart.  "Are they your example?"  Four simple words that gave me a new perspective.  Tears came to my eyes as I humbly realized once more that the goal of life is not to be just as good as everyone else, the ultimate goal in life is to become as much like our Savior Jesus Christ as we can. 

John 2:6:-  He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.

1 John 3:2-  Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.

Alma 5:19- I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with a pure heart and clean hands? I say unto you, can you look up, having the image of God engraven upon your countenances?

Somewhat re-energized, I was able to go back over to the house with a new attidude.  I wish I could say it carried me through the rest of the evening but by the time we left their home at 10:30 pm, I was pretty beat up.  Dode came after work and that helped, both as an emotional boost for me and as a packing boost for the husband.  Having him with me also meant that for the second evening in a row, our children were left at home to fend for themselves.  We got home to a house that was messy from the front door through every room.  I sure wasn't looking forward to cleaning that up as a birthday gift to me.