Not the pregnancy I was planning on

After four rough pregnancies, I decided that this pregnancy was going to be different.  It had been over eight years since I'd been pregnant.  I'd been eating a plant based diet for two years.  I exercised vigorously 5 days a week.  I planned for a pregnancy that I would sail through with comparative ease, the glow of pregnancy lighting my days.  The reality is quite different!

As we walked into the Maternal Fetal Medicine Clinic to get our ultrasound at 12 weeks to check for genetic abnormalities, I said, "This is the only time I'm coming here this pregnancy."  Maternal Fetal Medicine specializes in high risk pregnancy.  I'd had several visits with them while pregnant with Miriam once we realized my amniotic fluid was very low.  For those visits, I was either wheeled down the hall from my hospital room or got visits right in my room.  Walking into the clinic with my own two feet was refreshing, but still, it was going to be the only time!  As soon as the ultrasound technician ran her magic wand over my belly, revealing two occupants, my vision of a perfect pregnancy became clouded with a new reality.  Twins automatically equal a high risk pregnancy.

I decided that I'd have the ideal twin pregnancy.  I'd gain the correct amount of weight, have babies that grew appropriately, have a body that cooperated fully, and my babies would have to be introduced to the world not because they decided it was time to come early, but because at 38 weeks they had worn out their welcome.

Once again, my warm fuzzy vision has come up against cold hard reality.  After my second visit to "the place I was never going back to" for our anatomy ultrasound at 18 weeks, we met with the perinatologist where he gave us all the good news.  Babies are right on for size, they're close to the same size, they are in separate sacks with separate placentas, my cervix is longer than average.  Basking in all the good news, I was ready to get up and leave when he mentioned a "little wrinkle".  I currently have a complete placenta previa and an anterior placed (front of uterus) placenta that covers my C-Section scar.  Both those things can resolve if the placenta moves upwards as my uterus expands, and with twins it should be doing a lot of that.  Both those things can cause serious consequences if they don't resolve.  Consequences for me, ranging from bed rest to severe blood loss to hysterectomy.  In order to monitor everything, I need ultrasounds every two weeks to check on things, ultrasounds at that place I was only going to once this time, Maternal Fetal Medicine.

So, I'm making the best of where we are.  For now, I haven't had any problems with the previa.  Spotting and bleeding is a warning sign that things are not OK and I would need medical intervention.  I'm gaining weight, not as much as I'd like to or should, but the scale is going up.  My nausea is 80% better.  My uterus has been nice and quiet, not irritable like it has been with the last three pregnancies.  When I lay in bed at night, unable to sleep because of worries about what's ahead, I tell my body, "Cervix: long and strong", "Uterus: relaxed and impenetrable".  

It's not the pregnancy I had planned.  It seems filled with scary complications I never anticipated.  (Dode says he's not at all surprised given our history!)  So far, two ultrasounds have brought scary news.  I'm a bit worried about the future ones!  But the excitement of waiting to welcome two new family members is overcoming all the fear.  If I could use my will to sweep away all the complications, I would.  Instead, I'll use my strong will to make the best of where we are.  For now, we're pregnant with twins and couldn't be more blessed!