Our Gender Reveal Party, It's a ........

We wanted to let everyone be in on the fun of finding out what Heavenly Father was sending us.  When we received the test results from our Cell Free DNA, I stuck the note on the fridge and never opened it.  That note could have held the secret to the gender of our babies.  We'd been told that with twins, the results would only tell us if there was at least one boy.  The only definite answer would have been if we were having two girls.  I wanted a more definite answer.  We weren't sure we were going to get one.  I've had four babies.  With Jacob, I found out at 17 weeks.  With Elizabeth we found out at 36 weeks.  Isaac and Miriam were complete surprises due to lack of cooperation.  We don't have a very good track record for finding out early and this time, we needed two compliant babies!

At our anatomy ultrasound 4 weeks later, we told the technician that if he could find out, we didn't want him to tell us, we wanted him to write it down and seal it in an envelope.  He was convinced he could tell, so wrote it down and handed it to us in a sealed envelope.  Dode was such a tease.  The technician would tell us to look away and I would dutifully turn my head.  Dode?  He kept staring right at the screen.  He said he can never tell what they're looking at anyway, so there was no need to look away.  I brought the envelope home and waved it in front of the children before putting it on the side of the fridge.  They started to scheme of ways they could open it without me detecting their crime.

The next day, I took the envelope down to Dollar Tree and told the clerk that I was pregnant with twins, but didn't want to find out what I was getting until my family was all together.  I asked her to open the letter and inflate the correct "It's a ...." balloons and seal them up in a large box.  She excitedly agreed to do it.  We wandered around the store for a while, careful to not look to the front where the balloons are.  After a sufficient period of time, I asked Dode to go make sure it was done and we made out purchase.  I was careful to not check the receipt because I was worried it might say what balloons we bought.

The next day was Sunday and we gathered for the big event.  It was a glorious noisy party in the Dorrel Dickson family tradition.  The loud playing of children filled the rooms.  Two dogs were racing around chasing each other.  In addition to Dode and I and our children, my mom and Greg along with their pug Ramirez joined us, my nephew Gabriel was the final representative from my side of the family.  From Dode's side we got: his Mom and Dad, his sister Sheri with her husband Joel and their two kids, Dode's Dickson grandparents, his Aunt Viv and Uncle Dave and Harry the dog.  It was a fun group.  We squeezed together in the living room and Dode told me I should give everyone a little background before we opened the bin.  Each time I started to tell the story, the dogs would race through the room to the joyous delight of the children who would burst into laughter.  Once Harry was safe in Dave's arms, I could talk without interruption.

We counted to three and opened the bin.  Out floated.... one balloon.

Miriam looking inside to see if the other balloon deflated.

I was puzzled.  Did this mean they were both the same gender and Dollar Tree was trying to save me a buck?  Thankfully, they'd left the technician's letter in the bin.  We read the letter to discover we're getting one of each, a boy and a girl.  It's just what I was hoping for!  Although the gender reveal didn't turn out exactly as I was planning, I think the snafu made it even more fun.  Life isn't perfect and sometimes it's the bumps in the road that make for the best laughs.  The party was absolutely perfect.  I felt like we were literally bathed in love.  It will be so wonderful when we can gather again and pass these precious babies around to our family, but maybe the dogs should settle down before then!

a glimpse of loving family chaos

Not the photo op we were planning on but it works!

19 weeks pregnant

At 19 weeks, I finally had someone take the very first photo of my bump.  Why wait so long?  Until now, I just wasn't up to it!  At 19 weeks, I am considered half way there since full term with twins is 38 weeks.  When I went to the doctor this week, my belly measured 25 weeks.  I can't wait to see how big it gets at the end!

If I had to choose one word to sum up how I'm feeling these days, the word I would pick would be exhausted.  I wake up without an alarm each day at 6:00 AM and feel fine for a few hours, just long enough to straighten up the house, get Elizabeth off to school, run teenagers from the church to the high school after seminary and get home from that in time to get Miriam and William ready and off to school.  Then, I start dragging.  I take an hour nap after lunch.  It doesn't give me more energy but without the nap, my nausea returns.  I feel more and more exhausted as the day goes on until I fall into bed at 8:00 PM.  Then, I wake up each and every night around 2:00 am and lay there, wide awake, for two hours.  It's been happening for so long (two months) that I despair of ever sleeping through the night again.  Nighttime wakefulness has become a very bad habit.

I've gained 10 pounds so far.  From what I've found online, 20 pounds by 20 weeks is the goal to prevent pre-term labor, one of my concerns.  I've been gaining a steady one pound per week since I've gone on the medication for nausea.  My doctor told me to not worry about not gaining much and I'm trying to follow her advise.  My belly isn't the only thing that has grown, my bra size has gone from a AA to a C!

The babies are big enough for me to feel every day.  I wish I could feel them both at the same time but so far I feel one moving around and a while later I feel the other.  The best time to feel them move is right when I go to bed at night.  I don't know if that's because they they move more then or it's because I'm not distracted by other things.

One good thing of feeling better is that Dode is back to sleeping with me.  When I was at my sickest, he chose to sleep downstairs since I was going to bed before him and he'd wake me up when he came to bed, only to leave me miserable and sick again.  He's also a restless sleeper and I'm a light sleeper.  He was waking me up several times a night and with the insomnia in the middle of everything, getting quality sleep was very elusive.  I don't know if a month on the couch taught him to be a better sleeper, but so far he hasn't been waking me up more than once a night, and some nights not at all.  Bedtime is the only time Dode and I have to talk without children interrupting so the last month has felt very lonely and isolated for me.

Not the pregnancy I was planning on

After four rough pregnancies, I decided that this pregnancy was going to be different.  It had been over eight years since I'd been pregnant.  I'd been eating a plant based diet for two years.  I exercised vigorously 5 days a week.  I planned for a pregnancy that I would sail through with comparative ease, the glow of pregnancy lighting my days.  The reality is quite different!

As we walked into the Maternal Fetal Medicine Clinic to get our ultrasound at 12 weeks to check for genetic abnormalities, I said, "This is the only time I'm coming here this pregnancy."  Maternal Fetal Medicine specializes in high risk pregnancy.  I'd had several visits with them while pregnant with Miriam once we realized my amniotic fluid was very low.  For those visits, I was either wheeled down the hall from my hospital room or got visits right in my room.  Walking into the clinic with my own two feet was refreshing, but still, it was going to be the only time!  As soon as the ultrasound technician ran her magic wand over my belly, revealing two occupants, my vision of a perfect pregnancy became clouded with a new reality.  Twins automatically equal a high risk pregnancy.

I decided that I'd have the ideal twin pregnancy.  I'd gain the correct amount of weight, have babies that grew appropriately, have a body that cooperated fully, and my babies would have to be introduced to the world not because they decided it was time to come early, but because at 38 weeks they had worn out their welcome.

Once again, my warm fuzzy vision has come up against cold hard reality.  After my second visit to "the place I was never going back to" for our anatomy ultrasound at 18 weeks, we met with the perinatologist where he gave us all the good news.  Babies are right on for size, they're close to the same size, they are in separate sacks with separate placentas, my cervix is longer than average.  Basking in all the good news, I was ready to get up and leave when he mentioned a "little wrinkle".  I currently have a complete placenta previa and an anterior placed (front of uterus) placenta that covers my C-Section scar.  Both those things can resolve if the placenta moves upwards as my uterus expands, and with twins it should be doing a lot of that.  Both those things can cause serious consequences if they don't resolve.  Consequences for me, ranging from bed rest to severe blood loss to hysterectomy.  In order to monitor everything, I need ultrasounds every two weeks to check on things, ultrasounds at that place I was only going to once this time, Maternal Fetal Medicine.

So, I'm making the best of where we are.  For now, I haven't had any problems with the previa.  Spotting and bleeding is a warning sign that things are not OK and I would need medical intervention.  I'm gaining weight, not as much as I'd like to or should, but the scale is going up.  My nausea is 80% better.  My uterus has been nice and quiet, not irritable like it has been with the last three pregnancies.  When I lay in bed at night, unable to sleep because of worries about what's ahead, I tell my body, "Cervix: long and strong", "Uterus: relaxed and impenetrable".  

It's not the pregnancy I had planned.  It seems filled with scary complications I never anticipated.  (Dode says he's not at all surprised given our history!)  So far, two ultrasounds have brought scary news.  I'm a bit worried about the future ones!  But the excitement of waiting to welcome two new family members is overcoming all the fear.  If I could use my will to sweep away all the complications, I would.  Instead, I'll use my strong will to make the best of where we are.  For now, we're pregnant with twins and couldn't be more blessed!

A break from blogging

So, after blogging almost once a week for over two years, I suddenly (unexpectedly) took three months off.  Why?  I was sick as could be.  For over a month, I didn't leave the house.  I either lay on the couch or in my bed when I wasn't running to the bathroom.  There was no blogging because many of the fun things got canceled.  The things that did happen, I wasn't there for and didn't feel like writing about.  Family vacation was cancelled.  Family activities were cancelled.  Dode did his best to get out with the kids but it made me sad to be left behind.  My life became centered around trying to make it through the day so I could go to bed at 8:00 pm and not feel sick until I woke up in the morning.

The children started to wonder at this strange sickness that mom just couldn't shake and a few of them were getting seriously concerned for my health.  It was time to spill the beans.  I was pregnant!  Some of the children were absolutely excited from the beginning.  Others were neutral.  Some were horrified.  "Just knowing how babies are made makes me cringe to think about it."

During pregnancy I've always been nauseous and I've often thrown up early in pregnancy but this time, it was like no pregnancy before.  There was no way I could do anything.  I didn't even feel safe to drive.  It hit me at 5 weeks and just kept getting worse and worse.  I thought that maybe because I'm a mom of "advanced maternal age", my body was just having a hard time.  Well, being a mom over 40, I was eligible to have an ultrasound to screen for Down Syndrome.  When we went in to the ultrasound at 12 weeks, we got a big surprise.  Twins!  Now I knew why I was so sick!

Being pregnant with twins is exciting and terrifying at the same time.  I'm not even thinking about the exhaustion, chaos, and diaper bill when they get here.  Right now, my biggest worry is keeping them safe and sound inside me until they are ready to face the world.  Another worry is helping them grow nice and big.  I was given a prescription for Zofran by my doctor.  It helps with the nausea but by the end of the afternoon, I am very sick.  I often sit at the dinner table and stare at my food, trying to force myself to eat.  Elizabeth is very concerned for me so while I'm sitting there with may face in my hands, staring down at my food she'll ask, "Mom, how are you feeling?"  I just want to snap at her, "How do you think I'm feeling!  Look at me!"  Since the beginning of my pregnancy, I've gained very little weight.  I never thought I'd step on the scale and be frustrated that it's not moving upward!

I've delivered four babies.  Twice with a Family Practice Dr. and twice with an OB.  I prefer using a family doctor because they deliver their own babies, as opposed to an OB who is only on call certain days of the week for deliveries.  I also like the "one stop shopping" approach of a family doctor.  Any non pregnancy health issues can be taken care of at checkups.  After the baby comes, the same doctor can do my after care and take care of the baby.  So, I started off with a family practice doctor this time, against Dode's wishes.  Dode prefers that I am seen by someone who specializes just in pregnancy since I've had a hard time each time.  Well, as soon as we found out I was having twins, I became a high risk pregnancy and it was time to switch to an OB.  The doctor who helped with Elizabeth and Miriam has retired from doing OB so I am using one of his partners, who happened to have performed the C-Section on Miriam.

As a mom of advanced years, I qualify for a new screening test called Cell Free DNA screening.  I never knew this, but floating around in the blood of a pregnant woman are DNA particles from the fetus.  (We asked if women have DNA from all the babies they've ever had floating around inside and they said the test is still so new, they aren't sure how long the DNA lasts.)  Through a blood test, they can isolate those particles and test for Chromosomal abnormalities.  This test does away with the risky amniocentesis test, which can cause miscarriages.  At my age, the chance of an abnormality are 1:10.  We have absolutely no intention of ending a pregnancy if something was amiss.  I just wanted to know so that we could prepare and make sure that the doctors were also ready to start helping from the first minutes of life.  My screening results came back a few weeks later, normal.

A side benefit of the Cell Free DNA screening is the discovery of gender.  With a single pregnancy, the gender verification is over 99% accurate.  With a twin pregnancy, not so much.  The test only looks at the presence of a Y chromosome.   So, the results we could get are: there are no boys or at least one boy.  We told the doctors office that we want to find out the gender when we're all together as a family and I recently received an envelope with the results inside.  I'm a bit hesitant to open it since it might not give us an answer.  I have an ultrasound coming up in a few weeks and am thinking of holding off until after that.

One thing I'm excited about with this pregnancy is getting a big tummy.  I've always had a tiny baby bump, so much so that on that last "40 weeks" photo, I have to place my arm around my bump to press my shirt down and make it more visible!  Well, this time that shouldn't be a problem.  In fact, I had to stop wearing my normal clothes pretty quickly.

Dode says I'm breaking my own rule by creating a blog post with no photos.  I've felt so sick, there was just no way I was up to smiling for the camera.  Hopefully, that will soon be gone!